This is honestly one of the hardest things Ive ever had to go through. Moving to a foreign country where I know absolutely nothing about the culture and let alone anyone. Whenever I try to open myself up to the experience and look at it in a positive light, that door gets slammed in my face. What saddens me the most is how much Ive really alienated myself from people of my age group. Its not like I live in order to get peoples exceptance it just would be nice if I had a friend that exceeded three years without some stupid immature drama happening that causes that close bond to slip loosely through the cracks of my life. During my time away from a place that I am familiar with, Ive discovered something about myself. I am easily intimidated by the world around me. So as a coping mechanism, I draw unwanted attention to myself and it usually rubs people the wrong way. I have never felt like I can trust any person but my self since a very young age. To be honest with you, the only closeness/empathy Ive ever felt with anyone was during usage of recreational drugs. I doubt that even counts due to the fact that the drugs where off eventually and you see this once amazing person for the whiny little bitch they really are. (*cough*) This also leads my romantic relationships to knowhere because either I care to much or I care too little or its because Im black. Sad truth to the matter, Ive been rejected by about 50% of the girls ive ever been interested in for that same reason. Forgive me I contradicted myself. The fact that I am even writing this makes me a whiny bitch. Ironic huh?
Well thats what I get out of life i guess
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