Sick and Tired

of being the third wheel in everything. You want to know something really sad? I don't have any childhood friends whatsoever. They have either turned their backs on me or we have fallen out of touch. I have searched every corner of my soul for the answers to my problem but every time, I come up short. Maybe it's my personality. Maybe that's what being black in a practically all white town does to you. I guess I'll never know. One thing is for sure, I'm tired of being sick and tired. I've made plenty of mistakes in my life. Things that you would call me an evil person for. I'm not excusing myself nor am I asking for pity, but it would be nice to have a friend for more than 2 years. It would make it a lot easier to live my life. It would help me forget how estranged my family is. A mother whom I haven't exchanged kind words with since I was a small child, and a father who really doesn't give a fuck. Things happen for a reason right? What's my excuse? When will my payoff come because it seems like everything is going nowhere fast.