Nausea.

I can honestly say, I have never hated a person more than I do my own mother. Heartless? yes. But if you know what its like to have a bible thumper as a parent then you should be able to understand. Everyday is a constant battle. The bitch is so conservative and rude at the same time. She acts like she has no sin. Like shes perfect. Whenever she makes mistakes no one is at fault but her. Ive put up with 17 years of not being able to live my life normal and Im reaching my boiling point. Lately I have been having homicidal thoughts about her. Not normal i wanna strangle someone ones either. I want her to feel my pain all of it. I want her fat ass to see things from someones perspective instead of her own. I want her to try to even bitch after shes seen the shit Ive gone through that I have never once asked her for help for or complained about. I want her heart to feel the way mine does right now. Like someones just trying to get to it. Trying to control it, trying to push my buttons. Ive just about had it with her. Weres a freak accident or terminal illness when you need it? The sad thing is, no one has the guts to tell her shes mentally unstable. Its like they all encourage the religous hysteria, but then resume with there secular lives behind closed doors or when shes not around. I have been in the Christian church since I was born but in this present day I follow no religion. Dont call me a fucking aethist I believe that a higher power exists thats beyond the reach of time, space, hell maybe the whole universe. I just dont know if I should call that power "God." Be as it may, Christianity's perception of God has totally rubbed me the wrong way. I wish someone knew my struggle. I wish I could just cry on someones shoulder and they would actually stick around to put my pieces back together. Im a wandering soul. Ive been lost in the illusion of a person who is charismatic and outgoing when the truth is, I worry just as much about what people think of me as everyone else.